I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
