I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
