I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are all done wearing pants today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
