I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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