we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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