i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
