I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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