Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
