Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
