i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
