So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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