he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
