he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
