I wanna passion pit in your ass
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
