He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize