i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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