It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
