i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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