didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want to make out with him forever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
