Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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