first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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