so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
