Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i drank out of a bidet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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