you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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