the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
