he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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