listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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