it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
