i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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