The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize