She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
