We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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