I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
