Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
