glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
