We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
