Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
why is half of my head shaved?
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