I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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