If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
