My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
