if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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