My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
