If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
