I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
