i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bring me that man meat
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
