Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize