If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
