You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
