ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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