My friends, they love my intelligence
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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