Betty ford says i'm here all night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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