sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
