every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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