Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
