I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
