there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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