It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
