you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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