did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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