have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize