I want to walk on stilts...naked
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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