Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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