Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
