is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
