peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
