I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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