I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
