She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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