I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
