I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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