nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
