I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
