ugly people sure do ruin things
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
