He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
