there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
