i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
