shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
