I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
