I want to have your abortion
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
