He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
