Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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