i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
