Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
