I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
