Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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