I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize