Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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