you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
