everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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