I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
