So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
