Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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